Saturday, 19 December 2015

My letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been on the nice list for most of the year – with a few slips into naughty territory including, but not limited to the times where I frosted 2 cakes which would be considered inappropriate for children,  kidnapped a goldfish at a stag and doe – who was about to be sacrificed in a party game, surface stitched a naughty word into a blanket that I included as a gift in a grown-up gift exchange, completely forgotten about my toothfairy duties on multiple occasions, and eaten what would be considered a gluttonous amount of peanut m &m’s.  

My latest request comes after an evening run this past week.  I have been using a very ineffective headlamp during my evening runs, and I have always thought that I was using old batteries, and that’s why my headlamp would lose its light during the run.  On this particular run, I opened a fresh pack of name-brand batteries, and loaded up the headlamp (ready for a bright run on the trails).  It started off that way.  I turned on the lamp, started the run, and within 3 minutes the headlamp was just a pathetic glowing dot that would be less powerful than a glowstick.  I had to rely on Steve’s super-bright “portable sun” headlamp to lead the way.  That’s all well and good, except if Steve took his focus off the trail in front of him, I would have no light in front of me (which for someone who is used to being able to see where my feet are going on a trail, having the trail suddenly disappear in front of you is terrifying).   So after that run, it was obvious to me that I needed a headlamp with the ability to last longer than 3 minutes, and ideally a rechargeable, high powered device that’s on the small-side.  Steve’s is the Black Diamond Sprinter model – Andrew thought it was the best company ever (making both cheese and headlamps).  Something like that or better would be great.  Then I wouldn’t have headlamp envy anymore.

And while we’re on the topic of Steve, please get him a device that gives him a small electric shock every time he uses a bad pun.  Make it subtle – maybe a reflective ankle strap with anti-pun technology.  That would be very appreciated.

My last Christmas wish is for this lingering knee issue to resolve itself soon.  I need you to use some of your Christmas magic, and make it disappear.  It has been around and making my runs awkward for a long time, like that friend that doesn’t get the hint to go home from a party, and we end up just staring at each other as I try and send messages that the party has ended.  So listen-up knee....the party has ended – time to go home.  Maybe Santa can take you back to the North Pole to live out the rest of your days in the chilly arctic.  I heard it’s beautiful up there.

      Thanks for considering my Christmas wishes, and I hope your deliveries go smoothly on the 24th

Sincerely,

Lisa

3 comments:

  1. Dear Lisa,
    Anti-pun technology--I like it!....I'd give that a "run" for the money! (lame pun)
    Heads up, I'm no longer cheesed-off abt my Black Diamond lamp.....

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    2. Dearest Steven,
      There are a few world records that I believe you are in contention for:

      1. Fastest 5k run by a person wearing a full Gumby costume.
      2. most puns stated on a one-hour run.

      Check it out. I bet you're the top contender for both!

      Sincerely,
      A teacher, working hard to not encourage the use of bad puns by our future writers.

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